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Author Topic: Anger when Losing (Not just bowling, this happens in all youth sports)  (Read 3009 times)

trash heap

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I am only stating what I see Today. I can't compare to the past (maybe some old timers can chime in). I am seeing more parents angry in sporting events every year, especially when their kid is losing.

Actually I see most kids with very good sportsmanship (dealing in loss) than their parents.

Recently I have seen a parent screaming and hollering, face beat red, because the kid was struggling.  A kid fouled on a strike ball, parent was furious. I have seen parents mad about their kid's opponent bowling so much better than their kid (It's not fair to match my kid with this kid). Getting mad as he/she keeps stringing strikes and their kid has two opens.

Most of these parents are league bowlers. They of all people should know that you are not always on top of your game week to week. So why would they expect this from a person who is 25-35 years younger and has been in the sport for maybe 3 to 4 years.

Talkin' Trash!

 

djgook

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Re: Anger when Losing (Not just bowling, this happens in all youth sports)
« Reply #1 on: October 27, 2016, 01:40:49 PM »
Since they didn't make to the big time, they are living there life threw there kids. It is a real shame cause they are taking the fun out of it for the kids, and then they get mad when they don't want to play that sport nomore.
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amyers2002

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Re: Anger when Losing (Not just bowling, this happens in all youth sports)
« Reply #2 on: October 27, 2016, 01:46:43 PM »
Unfortunately I see this kind of stuff and others too all the time. I serve on the USBC state youth board and work as a coach at my local center. My youngest daughter bowls competitively also so I see a lot of bowling tournaments.

I rarely see instances of bad sportsmanship among the kids. Probably even to the point that their is less than when I was doing this in 80's. We get the occasional kid that says something they shouldn't after an errant shot or the occasional light kick to a ball return. The parent though are a whole different story. 

I've see parents curse and threaten to physically act out because they didn't like a paring of bowlers or how the handicap was figured. I've seen parents who actually got in the kids opponents face and their parents. I've also seen a parent who openly criticized  another kids technique during a match.

On the other side I've seen parents who wouldn't enter their kid in a tournament that I knew they had the talent to win because they didn't feel they were good enough. I've been criticized myself for riding my daughter too hard during league matches because it's just for fun.

Parents are always a wreck waiting to happen maybe it's always been that way I don't know.

BallReviews-Removed0385

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Re: Anger when Losing (Not just bowling, this happens in all youth sports)
« Reply #3 on: October 27, 2016, 01:57:59 PM »

I guess we shouldn't be surprised.  The life of professional athletes is seemingly one of luxury and ease, without a care in the world except when to tweet their next move for millions of fans that adore the very air they breathe...  Perhaps said parents are envisioning that life for their child.

Somehow we need to not only teach our children, but be the proper example of dignity and class regardless of how the league or tournament goes.  A good reputation that takes years to build can be ruined in a few minutes of bad behavior.  Nowadays if we bowl less than "average" we seem to need an excuse as to why we didn't win or perform up to expectations (whether realistic or not). 

Newsflash:  Sometimes we miss.  Sometimes our steak is tough.  Sometimes the ball doesn't hit like a grenade.  Sometimes life isn't perfect, or even fair.  Sometimes we have to live among mere mortals with imperfections just like ours.  The sooner we learn this the better the world will be...


Good Times Good Times

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Re: Anger when Losing (Not just bowling, this happens in all youth sports)
« Reply #4 on: October 27, 2016, 02:06:45 PM »
Be a winner and teach your child to be a winner and do the talking on the lanes.  That speaks volumes louder than any words could. 

When the illogical emotion (stemmed from failure) arises, like in the instance where people get mad at YOU or your child for things you/they cannot control......smile and breathe it in and be glad it's not you or your child.  This instills maturity.  At the end of the day, it's not important what these people think of you, as you do not find value or define yourself through others.

As FDR said, "I welcome their hatred!"  Find motivation/fuel from the hate!
GTx2

Good Times Good Times

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Re: Anger when Losing (Not just bowling, this happens in all youth sports)
« Reply #5 on: October 27, 2016, 02:09:41 PM »
Newsflash:  Sometimes we miss.  Sometimes our steak is tough.  Sometimes the ball doesn't hit like a grenade.  Sometimes life isn't perfect, or even fair.  Sometimes we have to live among mere mortals with imperfections just like ours.  The sooner we learn this the better the world will be...

No one is perfect.  I know I'm certainly not.

Confidence is greater than arrogance and emotional ignorance could ever dream to be.

As long as we know this and are true to ourselves, that is all that matters.  We must accept that ignorance exists.  Rather than fight it, resist it or attempt to educate it draw fuel from it and be content knowing that that's NOT us. 

It doesn't matter whether or not the emotional parents know it, as long as WE do.
« Last Edit: October 27, 2016, 02:11:58 PM by Good Times Good Times »
GTx2

Good Times Good Times

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Re: Anger when Losing (Not just bowling, this happens in all youth sports)
« Reply #6 on: October 27, 2016, 02:19:05 PM »
Also, as some of you may or may not know, I have a child due at the end of April so I feel like I could weigh in on this.  I know it's how I would train my child up to be.  We're not interested in partaking of crazy confrontational behavior (even if it's brought to us)......we just focus on doing our job on the lane.  Period.  Everything will fall into place and the crazy parents provide us an example of what we do not want to be.
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BallReviews-Removed0385

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Re: Anger when Losing (Not just bowling, this happens in all youth sports)
« Reply #7 on: October 27, 2016, 02:19:12 PM »
Nice points, Good Times.


Impending Doom

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Re: Anger when Losing (Not just bowling, this happens in all youth sports)
« Reply #8 on: October 27, 2016, 03:19:40 PM »
I've seen this all too often, both as a junior and adult bowler. My parents loved that I loved bowling. Not because they were bowlers, but because I was passionate about it. They never pushed because they weren't competitive people. I could go as far as I wanted, and it was on my terms.

On the other hand, I bowled with a stellar junior bowler who was amazing. Dad was an underperforming regional bowlers and he rode his sons behind to the point where he killed any want for the kid to achieve any success on his own.

I have kids. They love bowling. Nothing could make me happier, but I'll be damned if I kill that love for it. If you want to be the best, be the best. But do it for you.

bradl

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Re: Anger when Losing (Not just bowling, this happens in all youth sports)
« Reply #9 on: October 27, 2016, 03:21:58 PM »
Also, as some of you may or may not know, I have a child due at the end of April so I feel like I could weigh in on this.  I know it's how I would train my child up to be.  We're not interested in partaking of crazy confrontational behavior (even if it's brought to us)......we just focus on doing our job on the lane.  Period.  Everything will fall into place and the crazy parents provide us an example of what we do not want to be.

Agreed. and Congratulations on the child!

As far as belligerent parents, It is one of the things that I really can not stand. I say that because not of only how immature they are acting, but like mentioned above, the child will grow up thinking that that is how they are supposed to behave.

Not good.

I know I've harped on this many a post here, but each victory and defeat I've seen Jack Jurek have over his career are probably the biggest life lessons that can ever be taught. You win with humility, you lose with grace. And when you lose, you take that as a lesson of what you can do to improve, and motivation for the next time.

I remember in my youth bowling where I had patterns to my performance, where I would be on one week, then off the following week. I didn't focus on the time when I was on, because I knew I was doing good, but always feared the following week because I was off, and knew I'd cop a spraying from my mother when I was bowling poorly. And those times when I did really did not help with my confidence at all.

But what I also knew was that I had that good week coming after that bad week. So I kept with it. It doesn't bother me when I lose now, because it's a learning lesson. And these parents that get overly worked up definitely are losing perspective on things, and really need to be reminded of that. Unfortunately their ego and esteem get in the way of that because they take any constructive criticism of how they are acting as an attack on their ability to raise their children.

I'm reminded of a PSA involving a little league baseball game, where a parent or coach argues an umpire's call, gets really loud and ejected from the game... then actually stops on his way out with his child to help the umpire when his car had broken down. I'll try to find it. Damn well worth every parent to watch it.

BL.

2handedvolcano

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Re: Anger when Losing (Not just bowling, this happens in all youth sports)
« Reply #10 on: October 27, 2016, 04:35:34 PM »
I get angry when people talk during my shot
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bradl

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Re: Anger when Losing (Not just bowling, this happens in all youth sports)
« Reply #11 on: October 27, 2016, 05:20:48 PM »
I get angry when people talk during my shot

If you get angry when people talk during your shot, then those people have already won, as your concentration can be easily broken. And if you are relying on near silence while you are bowling, you're in for an awakening, for if you have seen any collegiate action on BowlTV, multiply that tenfold when you are physically there in the bowling center and hearing those cheers going on. You have to keep your concentration up and sharp to deal with that. If you can't, well...

BL.

Juggernaut

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Re: Anger when Losing (Not just bowling, this happens in all youth sports)
« Reply #12 on: October 27, 2016, 06:55:46 PM »
example:

 In high school, I was a good basketball player. Made all district and honorable mention at the state level. I loved the game, and really pushed hard to be good at it.

 Fast forward 25 yrs. My son is in high school now. Thing is, he doesn't like basketball hardly at all, he loves baseball. My wife was very surprised to find that I was supportive of him playing baseball instead, and asked me about it.

 I told her "He is not me. To try to turn him into me would be wrong and unfair to him. He must be what he wants to be, not what I want him to be, that's the only way he'll ever be happy".

 People need to be supportive of their children, not domineering over them. Let the child bloom into whatever it is that they are, then love and support that.

 I was sort of pushed as a child. No matter what I did, I was always told I could've done better, or tried harder. If I didn't win, it was never about someone else being good, it was about me not being good enough. THAT SUCKED.
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Bowlaholic

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Re: Anger when Losing (Not just bowling, this happens in all youth sports)
« Reply #13 on: October 27, 2016, 07:36:10 PM »
Volcano,
You posted a thread titled "people talk loudly during my shot" on 10/3/16 and received 25 responses to your post.  So why are you still stating the same thing again "I get angry when people talk during my shot" when this thread is addressing anger when losing and parental bad behavior?
Please for all our sanity, please keep track of your previous posts so you aren't redundant with your posts.


BallReviews-Removed0385

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Re: Anger when Losing (Not just bowling, this happens in all youth sports)
« Reply #14 on: October 28, 2016, 02:46:28 PM »
Quote: "People need to be supportive of their children, not domineering over them. Let the child bloom into whatever it is that they are, then love and support that."  - Juggernaut

Brilliant statement! 

I have three children (2 are grown) and their path in life is different in some ways than the one I took.  Does it hurt me?  Nope.  They are individuals, too.  I always hope they can learn from my mistakes before they repeat them, but I just want them to be honest and productive citizens.  If they have some basic qualities ingrained deep inside them they will find their own way through life and possibly exceed all hopes and aspirations I originally had for them.