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Author Topic: Teaching your kids to bowl, attitude help  (Read 1522 times)

rocnbol

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Teaching your kids to bowl, attitude help
« on: June 30, 2003, 12:08:57 AM »
Hi all, looking for some advice on how to help my son with his bowling attitude.

History: he is 10 years old. He is a good kid but is very, emotional. Did I metion very emotional? Split family, mother likes to smother!!! I am the opposite. He's very athletic. Durring little league as a pitcher he would get very upset if he hit a batter. got scared of the ball and moved to bowling.

Today: here we are 1 1/2 years later he has developed a very nice non-complicated release thus giving him a nice rolling ball. He has gotten his average up to 100, considering he is only with me half the week and his mom wont take him to practice, with a high of 160 in his first tournament. However if he even misses his average by five pins he starts getting upset. If he starts making the usual mistakes a child of his age and experience will make he will start pouting and ignoring his teamates. By the end of the game he can hardly see through the tears.

I have asked friends and family if I appear to be pushing too hard and the response has been no. durring my own bowling I can get frustrated with myself but am able to put it behind me before the next shot and I try to be aware of my behavior, especially when he is watching. He never asks for help so I do volunteer the coaching. I dont say things like "you didnt" or youre not". I try to get him to to think what went wrong and I try to be positive even on the close misses.

None of you know me so I am trying to be open about the situation and hoping that maybe someone will see or recognize something I am not. I know I got mad bowling as a kid but not like this. I just want him to enjoy himself and the sport and to leran to understand that being a few pins under or missing some spares happens all the time. He just wants/expects every game to be his new high game.

Thanks in advance for any help
"Take the time to do it right and it takes less time" Pat Parelli

 

livespive

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Re: Teaching your kids to bowl, attitude help
« Reply #1 on: June 30, 2003, 03:15:01 PM »
Kids usually learn by example.
instead of going out to practice.  Just goto bowl.  get some friends together, and go out.  Make sure you have a few adults with.  While you are bowling make mistakes that you wouldn't normally make, or bowl bad on purpose.  Tell the other adults to make comments like "Man you're bowling bad today".
Your reply would then be "I must be having a bad night, i'll get them next frame."  If your son see's positive attitude when you make mistakes, or are bowling poorly.  he will start to do the same.
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card79

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Re: Teaching your kids to bowl, attitude help
« Reply #2 on: June 30, 2003, 03:20:00 PM »
It is hard to guess exactly cause I don't as you said know you or you son, but it sounds like it could be one of a few things.  

1- I think it might be really important for him to get your praise and respect and he may feel like even though you aren't criticising him he is somehow not living up to you.

Or

2- He just may be really emotional and you may have to let him take some bumps and bruises along the way.  My son is 6 and I know he has a hard time with being blowing things out of proportion.  He doesn't always put things in their proper perspective, but sometimes we all need work on that.

I would try to sit down and talk with him and try to pull from him what he is feeling when he gets so upset.  If you can get him to honestly open up to you that battle will be won.
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TwoFourEightNineNine

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Re: Teaching your kids to bowl, attitude help
« Reply #3 on: June 30, 2003, 06:04:40 PM »
I didn't learn through example... I learned through learning things the hard way. In my opinion, for a kid that young, let him learn on his own.

Only time will let him learn.
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24899

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Re: Teaching your kids to bowl, attitude help
« Reply #4 on: June 30, 2003, 07:50:19 PM »
I go along with what Card79 and Saw King said.  If your son only bowls when he is with you, he may think that he will be either letting you down or he doesnt want to look bad in your presence.  You might try what Livespive said or just bowl with him without keeping score, showing him that it is the sport (and having fun) and not the score that is important.
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mumzie

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Re: Teaching your kids to bowl, attitude help
« Reply #5 on: June 30, 2003, 09:17:38 PM »
Yep. Let him know you love him no matter what the score.

But, if he's really an emotional little guy, giving him pillows to break his falls isn't going to do him any favors. I have one like that, and no one is as hard on him as he is on himself. He's 18 now, and finally learning that other people may not think bad of him, even if he thinks bad of himself. It's called growing up. It breaks my heart to see him going through pain and heartache, but I've learned over the years to back off and let him deal with it - otherwise, he'd be unable to learn how.

I used to feel the same kind of pressure from my folks, or so I thought. I believe that my interpretation of their emotions was wrong (now, with 35 years of hindsight), but that didn't make it any easier as a kid. My mom was a very good bowler - a 189 average in the '50s - really good for a woman back then. I used to think she wanted me to perform in her place, when she had to quit. She always kept score for me during juniors. I always felt like she was watching and critiquing every ball I threw!! Lots of pressure for a kid.

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rocnbol

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Re: Teaching your kids to bowl, attitude help
« Reply #6 on: July 02, 2003, 05:34:16 PM »
Thanks everyone.
I was glad to get some responses from both ends of the age spectrum here.

Being that situations do not permit him to bowl except on my days it is hard for him to practice any other time. I think it is going to be a situation of him finding his own way. We bowled four games of make up monday night. First game was rough, bowled a 64 and was missing everything. He started loosing it so I asked him to take a walk and regroup. After a small break and then some guidance from me he comes back and shoots 168 picking up three 10 pins and a
3-10. Gee guess what, all of a sudden he had a whole different attitude that carried over for the next two games of 125 and 115.

He loves to bowl and always wants to go. He digs putting on the slacks and nice shirt to go to tournaments. So hopefully he will "grow out" of these mood swings and continue to bowl. He knows he has his choice of sports but he chooses bowling right now.
"Take the time to do it right and it takes less time" Pat Parelli