And you know what, I wouldn't trade them for anything........!!!!

--The old dude who has memorized the schedule about 6 weeks in advance, and tells you what lanes he is on when he is standing in front of you as you are handing out the lane assignments for the night.

--The guy who, at the end of the night, gives you the entire blow-by-blow account of every shot he threw of every frame.  The series amounts to 512 (which we re-named our team "512" 5 years ago--the guy still has no idea that it's a playful rib at him) or something in that ballpark.

--The drunk team and stoner team.  Best nights are when they play each other.  It's like a substance-abuse fest.  Nothing but empty beer bottles and bags of Cool Ranch Doritos laying around.

--The team that refuses to move.  These are the guys still using the BUD II, or on the other end of the spectrum, Angular One's, and will be damned if they move even 1/4 of a board to the left as they whiff the head pin time and time again.  Their saving grace is the crossover light mixer strike, which convinces them that they are lined in.

--The Human Rain Delay team.  We have a guy who picks up his ball, curls it to his bicep, closes his eyes to visualize his shot, hyperextends his bowling arm to hold the ball dead straight out, and only then begins his approach.  If he ever won a PBA telecast, he would take home about $45.00.  This team has the obligatory old dude that stands there pondering his 6-pin conversion, only to throw a shot that would convert the 7-pin.

--The No Business Using That team.  You know this team.  The four guys collectively averaging 660, but all using Total NV's, and absolutely abusing the head pin by bashing it in the face all night.  See also:  Refuse To Move Team (above)

--The 100-mph Team.  The team of Plastic Fireballers whizzing the ball at the head pin at Mach 3, hitting the 1-3 and not understanding why they aren't carrying, and becoming more furious by the minute.

--The Team That Announces Everything.  "Congratulations to XXXXX, with a 203 game."  

--The Scoreboard Creepers.  These guys become more prevalent as the season winds down.  They hawk the back of your pair to see how you are doing against your opponents.  They are usually rosin bag target practice for us.  Playfully, of course.

--The Team with the Kiddy.  They have so many rules and fines, that Stephen Hawking is the only other guy that could possibly understand how much you or your teammates pay on a turkey, or an open, or a beer frame, or a washout conversion, or not getting the wood on a split, or not quacking and flapping your arms on a double, etc.  Their pair usually sounds like a generous slot machine in Atlantic City.

--The Owner's Team.  Usually stacked, with the absolute biggest cake shot ever on that pair for the night.

And because of these guys is the reason why I've been in this league for 1/3 of my entire life.

But do you have the Football team?  You know, one guy gets up and runs a double reverse - he fakes the start of his approach about 3 times before he finally goes.  Meanwhile you've been up twice, starting your preshot routine, when you realize that, due to his fakes, you're about to double jump him.  Another guy throws the ball then does the statue of liberty pose at the line - stands there until the ball not only hits, but until the sweep is back up.  Then they have the guy who plays quarterback on the toss/sweep play -- throws the ball then swivels, w/ arm outstreched into your lane (strategically placed just below belt level) like he was making a pitch-out.  I don't know what the fourth guy's problem is - he bowls  like a normal person.
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"I do desire that we may be better strangers."  Willie the Shake, As You Like it(III,ii)
"I'm capable of being just as sorry as you are, Dimitri."

baccalla,

Man, you nailed it! My men's league has several of the teams you describe. I do, however, think that you left out a couple.

#1 The "our time has come" squad: This team is filled with five senior aged bowlers who use balls ranging from manhattan rubber to maybe urethane Hammers. They throw the ball straight, they act surly, and they complain about there being "too damn many balls on the rack". The best feature of this group, however, is their complete and total lack of lane courtesy. They grab their ball and without looking to either side get up and go. It's almost as if they're saying, I've been doing this for 50 years, I don't have to wait anymore.

#2 The big time bowling shirt bandits: These guys all pick up $40-50 name-brand bowling shirts, usually that match the balls that they're throwing, and proceed to strut around like they are God's gift to the game. They usually don't shoot higher than 580-620 apiece, but they look like a million bucks and feel like it too!

The third and final one that I have is usually found in individual form, not as a whole team:

The I'm going to wear shorts every week of the year, regardless of temperature guy: He is usually a bigger, heftier guy. He'll bowl in shorts from Week 1 through Week 33 with absolutely no regard for the -15 degree temperatures that can be found during the middle months. This guy just bowls better in shorts, so he's going to wear them, and there's nothing you can do about it.
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I've only bowled 300, but I've benched 345

http://members.bowl.com/FindAMember/memberView.aspx?mp=519&ms=9130&s=2006-2007



Edited on 4/6/2007 10:00 AM

Hah, the shorts guy. See a lot of them around Vegas. Doesn't get as cold here, but nobody should be wearing shorts here in December.

I bowled in a scratch league where we had a 'Double Threat' - he was a human rain delay shorts wearing fool. And not 'nice' shorts - we are talking about the tight short coach's shorts that don't look good on anyone, much less a 50 pounds overweight 50 year olds. He would pick up his ball, go through an indescribable pre shot routine. He would slowly (and I mean slowly) walk up to about 5-6 feet from the line. He would then take a good 30 secs-1 min getting his ball in just the right place. Finally he would take 3 very slow tiny steps and walk out of the shot to the right every time.

If I bowled next to him, I would just sit down until he came back - my back would stiffen up too much waiting for this to happen.

ON EDIT - For full visual effect, I should point out that this guy is a dead ringer for an overweight Cliff Clavin
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Andy
Las Vegas, NV

Edited on 4/6/2007 10:34 AM

I agree I am a shorts year round guy.  Wear jean shorts all year.  I wear a knee brace on my left knee and it is just more comfortable in shorts.

I'm on the drunk team in a mixed league I'm in.  I love that league.  Even if you lose, you win!

What about the team that is always complaining about too many balls on the rack, yet most of the balls are theirs (almost all have 2 balls up there on a 5 man team).  coincidentally, they are always the last ones done, unless maybe they are bowling blind that night, then they may get done about the same time has most of the league, maybe a little earlier.

Just a quick comment on the too many balls on the rack.  A few seasons back, it is position round for the final round of my sport league.  My team is battling it out for last place honors.  This is a trios league.  I look at our ball return and it is filled 10 balls minimum.  I look over at the teams battling for first place and there are 6 balls on the return.  I couldn't help but laugh.
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"I cannot change the direction of the wind but I can adjust my sails to reach my destination." Jimmy Dean
http://www.allbowling.com/journal/public.php?uid=156&leagueid=53